"Ne, Oshitari-san, where are you going to sleep tonight?" I asked him while I was lying around in his bed. He has loads of pillows for some reason. At least it keeps me comfortable and warm. He was still busy with something on his computer, so he was still in the room. He swiveled himself in his chair again to face me.
"One of the guest rooms," he said. I frowned and sat up, hugging propping my head on one of those huge pillows he owns.
"I don't feel comfortable with you doing that though. I still don't see why you won't let me sleep in the guest room instead."
"How can I make you sleep in the guest room?" he said and turned back to his computer. What was so important that he was on it all night? I crawled my way across the bed towards him and quietly walked behind him, bending down to look past his shoulders. He was reading an e-book on his pdf software. Tch, how boring.
"What are you reading?" I asked. He jumped, startled before turning his head.
"Since when did you get here?" he asked and pushed his glasses. I stood up straight and shrugged, waiting for him to answer.
"It's Forbidden, by Tabitha Suzuma."
"Oh? What is it about? Sounds sort of cool."
"It's about this set of siblings who had an alcoholic mother. That's why they are really close and eventually fell in love with each other," he patiently explained.
"Oh, it's just one of your romance crap again isn't it?" She said, feeling a bit disgusted at the plot. She wasn't a hater of anything, but still… incest? Really?
"Romance cr-! Izumu-chan! Do you know what the authors are trying to get through to the readers when they're writing the plot? It's a very deep and very emotional passion that everyone should know the basic of. Romance novels are not like any other novels out there. The heart of a romantic is just too-,"
"Okay, okay… Stop! Stop! I am sorry, it just doesn't seem that interesting to me." I rolled my eyes and threw myself on the bed again. "Ne, Oshitari-san?"
"Hm?"
"What did Atobe-san talked about with you?" I was curious. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help and wonder. I didn't have the courage to reply and forgive him for everything yet.
"Do you wanna know?" he teased and I could hear the chair swivel again. I turned around and propped my head on a couple of pillow to face him.
"Just tell me," I demanded. He leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms, before leaning forward and got up, walking over to the bed. The bed creaked under his weight as he sat on it. I turned to my side to face him once again. "Well?"
"Izumu, tell me honestly. Do you really not feel a thing for Atobe?"
"That wasn't what I asked," I scowled.
"Tell me first, and then I will tell you."
"Fine… Hmm… How do I say this?" she said, she was reluctant to share her feelings, but then again, this will be the first time she admits to anything that has to do with Atobe Keigo. "I know I shouldn't. I know I should hate him for what he does, and it is true that I haven't forgiven him yet for what happened, but… for some reason, I still miss him."
"We all know that," he said and rolled his eyes. "It's obvious."
I hit him on the arm, "Hey, it was hard for me to admit that, okay?"
"Sorry, but it was really obvious that you miss him."
"Really? Do you think he knows that?" I asked, worried.
He shrugged, "I don't know what he thinks."
"Hmm… Sometimes I want him back in my life, but I am too afraid that history will repeat itself. When I saw Izumi, the first thing that I thought was that, maybe I made a mistake. I had the past two years to enjoy life with him without Izumi and I denied that. I rejected him and told him I hated him. Now that Izumi is back, maybe he will finally stop chasing after me and spend more time with her instead," I explained, my heart sinking as the realization hits me. I didn't want to admit I was disappointed. Maybe I enjoyed all the attention he gave me since I received so few from him in the past. It was nice while it lasted. Now maybe I had to let go of that feeling.
Oshitari-san leaned closer to me and brushed one of his fingers on my cheek. I didn't realize they were wet. Since when did I start crying? Now that I realized I was crying, it wouldn't stop. I wiped away tear after tear in the vain attempt of making it stop.
For the second time that day, I cried in his arms, and eventually fell asleep.
"Look at her, that's the girl."
"What's so special about her?"
"She doesn't deserve all the attention."
Izumu walked down the hallway, feeling something heavy pressed against her chest, trying desperately and in vain to shut out the people pointing at her. A whole week has passed since she had told Keigo she hated him.
"What does Atobe-sama sees in her?"
"Is she really the girl Atobe-sama is after?"
Izumu wanted to yell at them to shut up, Atobe again. Atobe again. Everything is about him isn't it? She is worthless without him, and she is worthless with him.
The tears were threatening to surface and spill and she hurried her steps, wishing the whispers will go away. She was so sick of everything that has to do with Atobe Keigo. Her whole life turned 180 degrees when he came back into her life.
She was stopped by three girls in the middle of the hallway.
"Ishiki Izumu," the middle one said. She seemed to be the leader, because hey! She was standing in the middle and slightly more forward than the other two. Izumu glanced at the other students around her. All of them were laughing at her pathetic state and happy to see her being confronted and mocked.
"Yes?" Izumu asked voice timid and shaking. She hated how she sounded. It makes her seem weaker than she really is and it seems to boost the confidence of the people around who were mocking her. Then with a sudden splash, she felt ice cold water envelop her from head to toe. She blinked in surprise and wiped some off her face.
"What a fitting sight for someone like you," the girls scoffed at her and walked past her. She can hear people around her laughing. Would it be bad if she cried in front of everybody now? Because the tears are so close to spilling.
A hand closed her eyes and a strong arm encircled her waist, hugging her from the back. "Feel free to cry, I am here," he whispered into her ear.
"Oshitari-san…" she sobbed and turned around, hugging him. She's wetting him too and she knows it, but she couldn't stop herself. He felt so warm and she was so cold.
"What happened here?" someone demanded and she just had to peek over Oshitari to see who was asking. Atobe Keigo. That's right. He's the reason why all this happened in the first place anyway. She sent a glare towards his direction. "Izumu, what happened to you!?" He panicked and rushed over to Oshitari and Izumu.
"THIS IS YOUR ENTIRE FAULT! LEAVE ME ALONE!" she yelled and ran away. Atobe was rooted on the spot, trying to figure out what just happened. He was about to go after her, but Oshitari was one step faster.
"Wait!" Oshitari yelled at Izumu to stop. He pulled on her wrist and made her stop.
"I hate you, Atobe Keigo…" she sobbed out and sunk to the floor, not caring anymore who was watching or if she's going to catch a cold in the chilly spring air.
I woke up sweating and panting. That was a dream I would rather forget, but of course, every detail was etched clearly in my brain. After all, it's a real memory that found its way into my sleep. What was I thinking telling Oshitari-san I missed Atobe Keigo. He brings me nothing but misery and mockery. How could I miss him?
I rolled to my side and came face to face with Oshitari-san's sleeping face. For some reason, his body was really close to mine and I could feel the warmth emanating from his body. I like how he is so warm and how he can dispel all the bad memories of Keigo-kun in me. I looked down at my hand and noticed my fingers entwined with his and it felt good. I smiled and held on tighter, not wishing for it to end.
I never saw him this close up, so it was really hard not to notice how nice Oshitari-san's jaw line is. I lifted my free hand and trailed his face slowly. His skin was smooth and my fingertips were tingling where I touched him.
"Nnnnggg….." I quickly pulled my hand away from his way and pretended to still be asleep. He was shuffling beside me and then everything went still again. I opened one eye to see that he only moved from his side to his back and sighed in relief. I edged closer to him, and tried going back to sleep for the third time that day, feeling more at ease than ever.
Oshitari reached out for the alarm clock in his bedside table at his half-asleep state. It was six in the morning. He rolled around in bed and felt a body beside his. His eyes quickly fluttered open and he was almost surprised to see Izumu there.
Almost.
He remembered that the night before, after Izumu had cried herself to sleep again, she had refused to let go of him and he was forced to wait until she is willing to let go of her hand, but ended up sleeping instead. He groped for the unnecessary-but-it-makes-him-cooler-so-he's-gonna-wear-it-anyway glasses on his overcrowded bedside table and put it on before turning back to Izumu.
He knew he was infatuated with her the moment he met her three years ago, but never expected the feelings to overflow like this. He knew this was wrong. That she belonged to Atobe and that her heart belonged to Atobe too no matter how much she denies it. That's why he made it a point never to let her know of how he feels. Because no matter how much he loves her, Atobe was his friend, captain, teammate, and comrade and there are certain lines that were never meant to be crossed.
He knew it was selfish of him to think that he was the better choice for her. That he deserved her more than Atobe ever would. That she will be much happier with him than with Atobe. How many times had that been proven anyway? She was always crying and is drowned in misery because of him, but Oshitari was always the one there to pick her back up and both he and Atobe knew that.
Heck, he was even sure Atobe knew how he felt towards her. But still, Atobe still entrusted her to him and believed that he will guarantee that no harm will come to Izumu.
That why, for him, he decided to label himself as Atobe's so called "spy" as to remind him of his position and role at all times as not to do something inappropriate. But at time like this, when she was so close, so calm, so peaceful, so defenseless and so within his reach, it was getting pretty hard to control himself from just claiming her as his once and for all.
"Izumu…" he whispered her name, full of love and affection. "Izumu… I love you…"
He extended a hand towards her and gently touched her soft dark blue hair that was so close to his colour of hair too. He was glad they shared that similarity. In a world where they are so different to each other, he was glad that they still shared a trait no matter how petty it was as proof of their bond to each other.
He leaned down and kissed her forehead, lingering just a bit too long, and gripping her hand harder in his.
"I wish you could be mine."
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